Wednesday, January 7, 2009

On the subject of resolutions...


Bet you thought I gave up already. :)

Not a chance.

I have finally started to catch up on my blog reading. My extended absence was due to a holiday trip to wintry wonderful (and frigid!) Minnesota. I notice a theme here, New Year's resolution anyone?

Of particular interest to me is Elizabeth's resolution to quit Coke. Let me start by saying that I totally know you can do it Elizabeth!!! I have spent sometime researching the "addiction" of Coca-Cola and here's what I have found:
  1. Forget smoking, froget alcoholism, Coca-Colaism is one of America's leading addicitions. This horrible addiction fuels millions of hyperactive children, sleep deprived teenagers (I was with you on the 40oz. pops on the way to Lafayette, E.), mothers battered by their hyperactive children, and countless other seemingly normal Americans. (Come on, you know other countries do not have this problem like America does... most of those countries don't use ice and who wants a warm Coke?)

  2. Coca-Colaism has many negative side effects. According to the Coke addicted experts, this addiction may lead to rotten teeth, baid hair, trouble sleeping, shrinking wallet, and weight gain. These are terrible, but according to those in the recovery process it is not half as bad as the side effects you will experience when quitting Coke: nausea, headaches, stuffy nose and other cold-like symptoms, migraines, and Coke-related recovery rants on related blogs and websites.

  3. Coca-Colaism even affects celebrities. Don't believe me? Check this out: Britney Spears' Painful Coca-Cola Addiction. I never realized what poor Britney was dealing with. How insensitive of the collective masses to just assume her late night partying, attacks on paparazzi, and MTV meltdown were due to something as mundane as alcoholism or drug use. She was, in fact, facing a major addiction to Coca-Cola. Shame on all of us.

There is good news, Elizabeth. Through my reading, I have gained expert status on Coca-Colaism, and I feel confident in saying that you can conquer this addiction. I have learned, that you will likely experience withdrawal symptoms by quitting cold turkey but that these should clear after the first 5 days. I have also learned that most Coca-Coladdicts are repeat offenders, so try, try, and try again. And finally, drink lots of water. One fellow expert noted that it will hydrate you nearly as well as Coke.

5 comments:

Katie said...

hehehe - Hydrate you nearly as well as Coke. Love it!

unstonf - To attempt to unstuff one's own nose through the more persistent and violent motion of jumping up and down while banging one's foot.

Anonymous said...

Oh I love it...but now I really want a coke!! LOL I am on day 12! I already feel better and think that this is totally possible! I think my favorite part of this blog is the picture - i would so do that! :) Shoot up Coke, cola that is.... Thanks for the write-up here's your word:

Sness - Sexyness you don't even know you have.
I think its your sness that gets you into trouble. :)

Bart and/or Ari said...

Did you learn anything about Diet Dr. Pepper-ism? I think I might have a problem.

igneur: n. one who doesn't know just how ignorant they really are.

Katie said...

Why does everyone else always get the good verification "words"? And is it bad that lately I look forward to your posts more than my own?? Wait, don't answer that.

buserti - adj. - being so busy it's biserck!
Dude, this project is whack! It is keeping me buserti!

(Yeah... that was lame.)

Sally said...

I'm glad that someone has been able to label my addiction. I have not been strong enough to quit cold turkey but I'm weaning myself off...does that count??

(wish i had a nifty made-up word for this space, but i'm not that cool)